Ipple-Pen Diary Mr & Mrs Middle England: Autumn Sneaks In
Autumn has crept into Ipplepen not with a bang but with a sly shuffle — cooler mornings, gusty winds, sideways rain, and the occasional burst of sunshine that tricks you into thinking it’s spring again.
Mr & Mrs Middle England embrace it the only way they know how: moaning.
For the next six months, the complaints will be about damp, dark evenings, icy winds, and draughty houses — until, of course, summer returns and then it’ll be “too hot, can’t sleep.”
Still, autumn has its consolations: slabs of sticky ginger parkin, treacle toffee for the reckless who don’t mind losing a filling – in the full knowledge that a dentist appointment is not available, and Leonard (Bloody) Cohen crooning misery in the run up to Christmas.
The trees around Orley Common are late to drop their leaves, which causes havoc in the gales.
Acting like giant sails, branches have torn away, and a few trees themselves have toppled over.
The locals shrug — “that’s Devon weather for you” — while the “blow -ins,” who moved here expecting endless sunshine and postcard scenery, now realise they’ve bought into a county, beautiful as Devon is, where the forecast reads like a revolving door: global warming, fine day, global warming, torrential rain, global warning, gale-force winds, repeat.
In Ipplepen, all four seasons can arrive before lunchtime, sometimes with a trampoline or wheelie bin rolling past your window just to underline the point.
This is the time of year when Mr Middle England tests his DIY.
Will the sticky-back-plastic repairs hold the fence?
Will the draft excluder keep out the icy wind this time?
Will the cat flap finally stay shut in a gale, or will it once again act like an air-conditioning unit designed by Beelzebub?
Discussions with Mrs Middle England on replacing the door and getting rid of the cat are ongoing.
Only time and the weather will tell.
In the meantime, there’s one fool-proof solution: wrap up, head to the Pub or Con Club, sit by the fire, and enjoy a pint.
The walk home may be tricky in the wind and rain, but Heigh-ho — it’ll soon be that time of year when everyone will soon need to fake being happy.
P.S. Mr and Mrs Middle England are not real people? – at least that is what I am being told!!!
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