Donald Is a Really Great Man
Hey Stop picking on the wee manchild
It’s time the world’s leaders woke up and started exerting some positive influence on Donald Trump — even though he is probably the one man in the entire world (and certainly in the USA) least prepared for the Presidency.
But according to Nigel, this isn’t a problem.
Oh no.
According to Nigel, this is destiny.
Picture the scene: Nigel struts on stage, pint held aloft like the Olympic torch, his tie permanently loosened. And with all the breathlessness of a boxing announcer, he bellows:
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… THE PEOPLE’S CHAMPION… THE KING OF TWEETS… THE SAVIOUR OF WESTERN CIVILISATION… DOOOONAAAALD J. TRUUUUMP!”
Cue cheering (mostly from Nigel).
“Nobody,” Nigel roars, “nobody has ever loved freedom and freedom of speech more than Donald!”
(Except for me Nigel adds)
“Nobody fights for the poor and marginalised quite like a billionaire with a gold-plated toilet!”
(I just love millionaires whispers Nigel)
“Nobody has ever tweeted at 3 a.m. with such raw courage!”
Donald isn’t a dictator.
Donald isn’t a megalomaniac.
Donald is (he assures us) a candidate for the Nobel Peace Prize.
Donald is, Nigel insists, the honest man of our times.
Donald is, Nigel cries, the trustworthy man of destiny.
Donald is, Nigel shrieks into the microphone, the greatest president — in the history of MAKING PRESIDENTS.
And just in case anyone doubted this celestial truth, Donald himself confirmed it to the United Nations.
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