Mr and Mrs Middle England in Ipplepen – Addiction
by David Palethorpe
There’s a couple in every village, and in Ipplepen they’re known, affectionately if not entirely sincerely, as Mr and Mrs ME.
Not that it’s their initials — it’s just that every conversation, cause, and dietary choice eventually circles back to… well, them.
They were vegan before it was fashionable, pescatarian when it was briefly acceptable, and are now “flexitarian,” which roughly translates to “whatever Waitrose has on offer.”
Mr ME swears by intermittent fasting, which means skipping breakfast but making up for it with a heroic amount of artisan bread at lunch.
(To you and me that’s bread with bits in it)
Mrs ME, meanwhile, has declared sugar to be “toxic,” a statement usually followed by another slice of lemon drizzle “for the road.”
They’re the kind of couple who talk about “gut health” as if it’s a religion and consider kombucha a spiritual experience.
Their recycling bins are now colour-coded and alphabetised, and they’ve been known to glare at neighbours who dare to place the wrong sort of plastic in the blue one.
But behind the quinoa and the self-care hashtags lies a certain restlessness.
Mr ME recently admitted, in a moment of candour over a glass of low-sulphite Shiraz, that he rather misses bacon.
Mrs ME, for her part, has joined a mindfulness group but can’t stop checking whether everyone else is being mindful correctly.
They talk often about “living simply,” which is admirable, though the new garden room — complete with under-floor heating and an eco-espresso machine — somewhat complicates the message.
They claim it’s for yoga and writing, but the neighbours have noticed it’s mostly used for watching boxed sets and ordering “sustainable” things online.
Still, they mean well.
And perhaps that’s what makes Mr and Mrs ME so endearing: their endless striving to be better, greener, purer — even if their carbon footprint suggests otherwise.
In a world that’s a bit too serious, they provide the village with something far more valuable than moral instruction.
Entertainment.
So, if you see them out and about in Ipplepen this weekend — Mr ME in his hemp shirt, Mrs ME clutching a reusable cup the size of a small bucket — give them a smile.
They may be insufferable, but at least they’re consistently so.
And that, in these uncertain times, is something to celebrate.
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