Mr and Mrs Middle England – Take Up Sustainability
by David Palethorpe
Having mastered the arts of clean eating, clean living and occasionally clean recycling, Mr and Mrs ME of Ipplepen have now discovered their latest crusade: sustainability.
It began, as these things do, with a documentary and a guilt-ridden trip to Totnes.
Mrs ME returned home with a jute bag of “planet-positive” purchases — beeswax wraps, bamboo toothbrushes, and something called a shampoo bar that Mr ME insists makes his hair feel like a thatched roof.
They immediately set about “greening” their lifestyle.
The Range Rover is now driven only on special occasions, such as yoga retreats or quick runs to the farm shop for avocados flown in from Peru.
The solar panels went up in July — perfectly timed for a week of heavy rain — and Mr ME proudly reports that they’ve already saved enough electricity to charge his electric leaf-blower twice.
Mrs ME has taken to lecturing friends on the evils of fast fashion, though her wardrobe still contains enough linen to outfit a small Greek island.
She’s also experimenting with home composting.
The neighbours, who live downwind, are hoping it’s a short experiment.
The pair’s latest initiative is “Meat-Free Mondays.”
It was meant to become “Meat-Free Most Days,” but enthusiasm waned after Mr ME’s lentil lasagne incident, now spoken of locally as “The Great Flatulence.”
Nevertheless, they post inspiring photos of their dinners online — carefully cropped to exclude the Deliveroo bag in the background.
Their commitment is touching, if occasionally confusing.
They’ve cancelled one holiday flight but booked two domestic “eco-getaways,” which, given the mileage of their hybrid SUV, will produce roughly the same emissions as a modest bonfire of tyres.
Still, they’re doing their bit.
The village has learned that moral superiority is now measured in kilowatts saved and oat milk consumed, and Mr and Mrs ME are leading the charge — slowly, and with reusable coffee cups firmly in hand.
At heart, they’re lovely people who just want to save the planet.
Preferably without sacrificing broadband speed, central heating, or their subscription to the wine club.
And perhaps that’s fine — sustainability, after all, is about balance.
Besides, as Mr ME likes to remind everyone at the pub, “We’re not perfect — just consciously imperfect.”
And in Ipplepen, that’s about as sustainable as it gets.
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